


Love Lost and Love Found

by GreyGullHaven



Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: Angst, Injury and death, M/M, Temporary Character Death, m/m relationship, resurrection trouble, shootout
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:34:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28018563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreyGullHaven/pseuds/GreyGullHaven
Summary: AU Setting- Still in Haven and the Troubles are still there, but Duke and Nathan's backstory is much kinder and gentler- they were friends for most of their younger years and have been in a relationship for several years at this point. Also, while the Troubles exist, they are more of a permanent fixture in this AU, so there are no 27 year cycles and all that going on- Troubles are here and they are a fairly permanent part of life. Nathan still has his trouble but there is no Audrey in this AU and the only person Nathan can feel is Duke :-)Additional note: this story introduces an OC of my own named A.J. :-)
Relationships: Duke Crocker/Nathan Wuornos
Comments: 14
Kudos: 12
Collections: Fanfiction Writers United M/M Collection





	1. Love Lost and Love Found

Love Lost and Love Found- By GreyGullHaven A Haven Story


	2. Warning Shots Fired

"How on earth do I keep getting pulled into these situations? I mean, really...why is it always me?" Duke hissed as he peeked around the corner cautiously. "This is Haven PD business! What am I doing here?"

"Well, I do seem to remember that this is one of your clients we are dealing with here," Nathan replied, glaring back at his partner as he shifted position slightly and moved forward onto one knee as he crouched down. Cautiously he poked his head up over the broken down pieces of old stone wall they were crouched behind.

Duke's eyes flashed for a moment as he looked over at Nathan and gave a sigh. "And what does that have to do with anything? Guilty by association again? Really Nathan?" Duke whined slightly as he pulled his head back around the corner and shifted position so he was kneeling once again. The snow that covered the ground made him shiver and momentarily envy his partner and his inability to feel the cold.

"Well, that's been the case the last three times we've been called out for one of your 'special' clients... so, am I wrong?" Nathan asked, his eyes boring holes into the man that always seemed to know just how to drive him absolutely crazy.

Duke looked over at him, his hand rocking back and forth in a so-so manner as he tried to force an innocent smile.

"So in other words, yes. This likely ties back to you somehow," Nathan said with a sigh.

"Hey, wasn't it you who told me just the other day I needed to start getting my act together and dump some of these clients?" Duke asked, trying to sound innocent as he tugged up the collar of his jacket, attempting to block out what he could of the cold winter air. 

Despite it being years ago that he got the Grey Gull up and running again and had made very obvious good faith attempts to get his life back on track, things were still rough at times. Duke oftentimes still felt trapped by the Crocker name, even though he had abandoned that name years ago. It was like he couldn't escape that stain, that blemish, that curse completely, no matter what he did. Even Nathan at times seemed to default back to that way of seeing him. Usually, it was only when he was on duty and in a high-pressure situation, like they were in now, that he slipped back into full Officer Wuornos mode. That was a big part of the reason why they always did their best to keep work stuff confined to the station and to not get each other involved in things. There was still just too much past that seemed to creep up at the worst possible moment and it was something they both were still wrestling with. But that neat and orderly way of compartmentalizing everything did not always work out and at times Haven seemed determined to throw them into the biggest messes without much preparation or warning. Duke sighed as he looked over at Nathan, as he started to speak again.

"And I meant to get your act together by ending your contracts with them and not picking up any more jobs- Not by screwing them out of their money while handing them over to the cops!" Nathan's tone was one of frustration and exasperation. He was glad Duke, the man he loved more than anyone or anything else in curesedTroubled world, was starting to turn things around and he was proud of how far Duke had come in just a few short years. But this... this entire situation was turning into a mess very quickly.

"Potato, potata," Duke said as he turned and looked around the corner again at the scene that was unfolding as he rubbed his hands together slightly, trying to warm them up. Mentally, he was cursing himself for having forgotten to grab his gloves when he had gone to meet Nathan earlier before all hell began to break loose.

Inside the small cabin sitting in the middle of the clearing, two figures could be seen crouching down at the window. Surrounding the cabin were a handful of Haven PD officers and even a few members of The Guard. Their vantage point behind a broken-down garden wall gave them a view of most of the area and Duke and Nathan could see what was going on with both sides. The woods were thick all around the small clearing where the cabin was set and the property was just off the popular shooting grounds of the hunting club. Most people knew of the cabin's existence but hardly anyone ever used it for some reason, making it a popular place for those with bad intentions to hide out and stay unnoticed. That was until their cover would get blown.

The current standoff had started when an anonymous call came into the office about a dealer's safehouse having been discovered in the forests just outside the city limits. Nathan had heard the call come through over the radio while he and Duke were enjoying an early lunch together since he had the day off. Nathan knew who had placed the call, even with the anonymous posting, and was slightly pissed off at his lover for the way he went about it all. Damned, he had the best of intentions, but Duke had really messed things up this time and Nathan knew he wouldn't be able to stay away while his team rushed off to deal with the crooks. 

"Do me a favor," he said as he rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed. "The next time you get the overwhelming desire to do a good deed and turn in the bad guys... call me beforehand to make sure we can handle it without it turning into a mess again." 

"Hey the way you are reacting to this, there won't be a next time," Duke said with a laugh. "I think I'll keep taking my chances as a specialty transporter from now on. Safer and easier than trying to be a good guy evidently."

"Smuggler. You mean smuggler," Nathan said as he rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Let's just try to get out of this in one piece ok? We're not even supposed to be here right now."

Duke visibly tensed and closed his eyes, hating how that label never really seemed to leave him. "Not my fault you heard the call for back up and had to come to check on things.. We were kinda in the middle of a nice lunch date if I remember correctly!" Duke said, still watching the scene unfold around them, glancing over at Nathan out of the corner of his eyes as he spoke. 

"That's my team out there Duke. Of course, I am going to want to make sure they are ok!" Nathan said with a huff. "I'm sorry about the plans for today.... I know we had been looking forward to it. I'll make it up to you."

Duke shrugged and glanced over his shoulder to his partner. "It's fine. I know how it is. Duty first and responsibility to protect Haven and all that. Was trying to help ya out, get you back in good favor with the team now that the Chief retired. But I messed up. I get it.." Duke's voice trailed off for a moment as he peeked out from behind the wall and down the hill to the small cabin. "Looks like things are starting to calm down finally...."

Duke's words were cut off suddenly as shots rang out, coming from the cabin. Shouts echoed in the cold and still woods as everyone dove for cover and the return fire started up. 

"Shit! Or not!" Duke hissed as he dropped back down behind the wall, his eyes meeting Nathan's as his partner pulled out his trusty Glock and held it tightly.

"You armed?" Nathan asked as he pressed his back against the stone slab glancing over at Duke.

"Have you ever known me to not be armed?" Duke asked somewhat sarcastically as he pulled out his Revolver. "Though honestly, these things are not going to do much against what those guys inside are packing. I hope your crew brought their big boy guns to play with this time. They will need it!"

"I'm sure they can handle themselves..."

"Yeah, yeah I know.. Haven's finest. Well, these are some of Haven's finest dealers. These guys don't mess around.... Dammit all, I had to leave my sawed-off in the truck today of all days!"

Nathan glanced over at his lover. "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that... because I know you don't have a permit for a sawed-off shotgun!" He watched as Duke turned away to avoid eye contact, his silence confirming his suspicions were right. "So..." Nathan continued with a sigh, "what exactly was it you were smuggling..."

"Transporting " Duke corrected.

"Transporting, for them?" Nathan said with a sigh. "What are they going to find in that cabin?"

"Don't know," Duke said simply as he peered over the wall again as the shots quieted for a moment. "You know my policy with my special clients."

"Yeah, yeah, don't ask questions, don't tell secrets. Which is a stupid policy, even for a former smuggler!"

"None of my business what they are moving, I deliver and they pay me, we all go home happy," Duke said, ignoring Nathan's jab at him.

"So why the sudden urge to turn these guys in?" Nathan said as he peered out from behind the wall, looking towards the group that was slowly starting to approach the cabin. "Don't get me wrong. I'd be happier and worry less if you weren't getting mixed up in this stuff at all. But why these guys? Why this particular job? Why now?"

Duke turned back around to face Nathan and leaned his back against the cold stone of the broken down wall and locked eyes with him for a moment. "They were talking about hitting up the highschool. Not sure what their load was but the way they were talking made it sound like they were targeting the kids. I drew the line at getting kids involved...wasn't going to let them get anywhere near that school with whatever it was they were smuggling in. Most likely drugs or something similar, but I wasn't going to chance it..." Duke said simply as he glanced back towards the cabin.

Nathan stared for a moment in surprise. Duke was an odd one, even after all this time, after everything they had been through, he could still throw a surprise his way now and then. It was fairly common knowledge that Duke had indeed been one of the most sought after smugglers in the area. It was also known by just about everyone that at one point, Duke at one time had held no qualms about smuggling any number of questionable people or items in secrecy. What many people did not realize, indeed it had taken Nathan too long to see it himself, but Duke had always had a major soft side, especially when it came to kids. Nathan figured it was because of the horrible life Duke had growing up, that it made him more perceptive to the youngsters in Haven. 

It was like, even subconsciously, Duke wanted to try and make sure no other kid in Haven had to deal with the crap he lived his entire life struggling with. Nathan gave Duke a soft, unnoticed smile and was about to say something when shouts could be heard through the small clearing. Shots rang out again and return fire quickly followed as the squad began closing in around the cabin.

"What are you doing?" Duke hissed, grabbing Nathan's arm as he tried to stand up, acting like he was about to run towards the cabin with them. "Get down!" he yelled as he yanked Nathan back down behind the wall. 

"Let go of me!" Nathan snapped.

"Nathan! Think!" Duke yelled as he held Nathan by the collar of his shirt, forcing him to stay down. "We are not supposed to be here! You are not supposed to know any of this is even happening! If we get found out it's not going to go well, for either of us. You are breaking protocol but just being here and that's not going to go well... Especially if they know you are with me because you know they are going to automatically connect me with these goons and lump me in with them. And I have no intention of spending the night in a jail cell!"

Nathan pulled free, slapping Duke's hand away. He made no move to try and make a run for it again, but he watched closely as everything started to unfold. Shots continued to ring out as they approached the cabin, the entire woods echoing with shouts and gunfire. It didn't take Nathan long to realize that they were in trouble. The look in Duke's eyes let him know he realized the exact same thing at that moment as well.

"Shit! We're going to get caught in the crossfire if we don't move!" Duke yelled over the sound of gunfire.

"I know!" Nathan yelled back. "We have to move, now!"

Duke nodded and looked up the small incline where the remaining fragments of the wall ran.

"Stick to the wall!" Duke commanded as he crept to the end of the section of wall they were crouched behind and glanced down at the chaos taking place at the cabin. " It'll provide us a little bit of cover at least."

Nathan nodded and watched Duke as he started running up the hill, crouching down behind the broken wall as best as he could. A moment later he stopped, kneeling down and motioning for Nathan to follow. Duke watched Nathan scramble up the snowy hillside as a new round of gunfire echoed through the trees. Suddenly, Nathan lost his footing and stumbled, falling just a few feet away from Duke, going down into the snow and brambles that covered the forest floor.

"Nathan! Get your sorry ass up here!" Duke yelled as he grabbed the back of the police blazer Nathan wore and hauled him up behind the wall.

Duke glanced at his partner as Nathan sat up and scrambled to get behind the broken stones. "You ok, Nathan?" Duke asked, his eyes wide with concern as he searched the man's face. 

Nathan gave a quick and silent nod as he sat there for a moment, catching his breath, trying to calm the near-deafening sound of his heartbeat thundering in his head.

**

A short time later, the woods were still and quiet once again as Duke and Nathan watched as the PD team started walking the two suspects out of the clearing. Soon the area was empty as Duke and Nathan finally stood and emerged from their hiding spot. Looking at his partner for a moment, Duke took a step closer and reached a hand out, running a finger over the cut that ran along Nathan's cheek.

"Is it bad?' Nathan asked as he looked at the red streaks on Duke's fingers as he pulled his hand away.

"Naw not too bad. Your good looks are safe," Duke said with a smirk.

"Thought I smelled blood..." Nathan said as he reached up and touched his cheek, finger pulling away stained red too.

"Yeah, no... that's not creepy at all," Duke said simply with a slight grin.

"Oh shut up!" Nathan said as he glared at the man standing beside him.

"Gonna miss those guys in a way..." Duke muttered as he kicked at the snow absentmindedly, looking down at the footprints that were still easily seen in the snow.

Nathan shot him a look that basically said 'what in the hell' and Duke raised his hands, feigning innocence.

"Hey, they paid good money! I'm gonna miss that, ain't gonna lie. Shame they had to get the kids involved"

Nathan rolled his eyes as he turned his back on Duke and started down the small incline, heading back towards the cabin.

"Where are you going?" Duke called out as he followed after.

"I wanna check out the cabin. See if there is anything they missed."

"Nathan...." Duke said with an exasperated sigh. "Could you at least try to not act like a cop for once? This is supposed to be your day off. You and me. Lunch date. Relaxing. That was the plan remember?"

Nathan ignored him as he walked up to the heavy wooden door and pushed it open, ducking under the yellow tape that was strung across the doorway.

"Oh nice, very nice. Entering a crime scene without permission. Good move there Officer Wournous," Duke said mockingly.

"Since when have you cared about breaking the law?" Nathan said with a scoff as he looked back at his lover, flashing him a slight grin.

"Whatever," Duke said with a shrug, trying to keep the smirk off his face as he ducked under the tape and followed Nathan through the small cabin. 

It didn't take long to search the cabin as there were only three rooms to check. A few minutes later they were standing outside the cabin as the sun started its slow descent towards the horizon. Nathan glanced up at the sun for a moment then looked at his watch.

"Almost one o'clock ... How far away did we leave the Land Rover again?"

"Bout half a mile or so. Shouldn't take us more than 15 minutes to get back."

"Good. Let's go. I wanna be back at the station when the reports come in."

Duke rolled his eyes. "So much for salvaging that date...." he muttered as he started off across the clearing and into the trees, Nathan following close behind. The crunching of the snow under their feet was almost hypnotic, breaking up the eerie silence that had fallen over the woods. They walked in silence for a bit before Duke called back to Nathan as they started up another small incline.

"You ok back there old man?"

"Just shut up and walk," Nathan groaned as he trudged along, eyes down as he followed Duke's footprints in the snow.

"Ok then...." Duke said, throwing his lover a questioning look before turning back and continuing on. "Just holler then if you need me."

Something resembling a growl told him Nathan had heard. For a time they walked on in silence, Duke's mind falling into random thoughts and memories as he trudged along, leading them out of the thickest part of the woods to where the Land Rover was waiting for them by one of the access roads.

_Almost instantly, his mind fell to his lover, the man he could hear muttering under his breath as they went. Duke still found it hard to believe that after everything they had been through, all the shit he had put Nathan through and all the shit he had been on the receiving end of, that they had somehow ended up together._

_He wasn't one to believe in fate. If anything, he usually outright rejected any inkling that he was not in full control of his life, his actions, and his destiny. Fate was a foreign concept to Duke, but when it came to Nathan and what they had, there was no way to deny that it was indeed fate that had made it all possible. Lord knew he had done much in his life to endear himself to the man he now called his partner and his lover. Any normal sane person would have done what everyone else did for his entire life- get rid of him like the worthless trash he was. But it was different with Nathan. As they had gotten older, the pranks, the teasing, the hurts of the past, while never forgotten, were able to be forgiven and seen in a different context than they ever had been before. And somehow... somehow they had ended up here. Duke still found it hard to believe that they were coming up on the 5th anniversary of when they both had finally decided that what they had going on was actually something worth holding onto._

_Absentmindedly, he rubbed his hands together, once again cursing the fact he had forgotten to wear gloves. His fingers brushed over the cold metal band that encircled his finger. Duke smiled as he looked down at the silver band, his mind drifting back to that day so many years ago. He remembered how sick and nervous he felt for weeks before as he waited for the package to arrive. Being a well-known snuggler with special connections had its advantage when it came to securing certain items. But what he had no control over was the damned shipping times. When it had finally arrived, Duke finalized his plans and had asked Nathan over for dinner._

_It was nothing unusual for them to have dinner together at the Cape Rouge. It was no secret Nathan was a terrible cook, so any time they had a date or wanted a night together it was either a restaurant, take out, or Duke cooked. Duke smiled to himself as he remembered how much work he put into that dinner and how much Nathan gushed over it as he did with just about anything he prepared for them. Duke looked down at the ring on his finger once more as he remembered that moment, that terrifying and wonderful moment, when he had popped the question and the moment everything changed for him when Nathan had said yes. It was hard to believe that was almost 5 years ago. Things had not been perfect by any means. They had their share of lover's quarrels, and Haven wasn't exactly conducive to anything that resembled a quiet or normal home life. But they had each other and they both could not deny that they were the happiest they had been in their entire lives._

_Duke glanced back over his shoulder for a moment, eyes falling on Nathan as he trudged along behind him. Duke's brow wrinkled slightly with concern. The terrain had leveled off a good bit but Nathan still seemed to be struggling through the barely ankle-deep snow. Turning back to watch where he was going, Duke trudged on, trying to push the worry from his mind._

"Still alive back there?" Duke called out, trying to sound casual as he did. He knew Nathan hated being fussed over and coddled because of his Trouble. He always got annoyed when Duke let himself slip into over-protective mode. Duke waited a moment and didn't hear any response. "Nathan?" he called out as he turned around to look at his partner.

_Nathan's mind had started to drift almost as soon as Duke had started leading the way out of the clearing. He followed behind his partner, his mind feeling fuzzy and his thoughts disjointed. Keeping his eyes fixed on the ground just ahead of him, he followed his lover's footprints as they led them out of the woods. He didn't know why he was feeling this way, but he didn't like it. It was as if the nothingness and emptiness that were there every waking moment had somehow intensified. He couldn't feel anything on a good day and it was almost like that was doubly true in that moment. With a sigh, Nathan continued on, telling himself he was just tired from the last few nights of late shifts and the adrenaline that was still running through him after everything that had just happened._

_He felt his mind start to slip into hazy daydreams and he did little to try and stop it, the unusual numbness somewhat comforting and relaxing in a way. Like a slideshow of images and memories, Nathan's mind ran through the last few years and the things he and Duke had been through. They had come such a long way, and even now, all these years later, he still couldn't quite explain how they had ended up like this. He was not complaining, but it was certainly fate that had decided they both finally deserved something good in their lives. As bad as his Trouble could be and as much as it got in the way of... everything... having someone like Duke in his life made it all the more tolerable... even enjoyable. Having someone there who understood and actually gave a damn about him and tried to make things as good as possible... Someone he could actually feel, for the first time.... it was more than Nathan had thought he would ever have and it was certainly more than he deserved._

_Glancing up, Nathan looked at Duke as he trudged along, absentmindedly watching that sexy ass in those oh so tight and perfect jeans tempting him with every step he took. He watched his lover for a moment, then blinked hard as his vision started going blurry. Nathan wiped at his eyes trying to make them focus. Continuing on, it became quite apparent that something was not right. Nathan found his mind wandering, to nothing in particular, going blank time and time again as if he was operating on autopilot. It was getting harder to move his feet and legs and Nathan half expected to find they had wandered into some deep snowdrifts. He was shocked to glance down and find they were in ankle-deep snow still. Vaguely, Nathan was aware of the pounding echo in his ears growing louder seemingly with every step he took, the thundering rhythm harder and faster than what he was used to. And he suddenly was aware of how his own breathing was terrifyingly hard and heavy to his own ears, making it all too clear that something definitely was not right._

_You ok back there old man?" Duke's voice shook him out of his daze as he held a hand to his head for a moment trying to shake the sudden emotional feel of drunkenness that was washing over him, making his vision swim as he tried to keep his feet under him._

_"Just shut up and walk" Nathan groaned hoarsely, his voice sounding oddly cold and distant in his own ears._

_What the hell was wrong with him? Why was his head so fuzzy? Why couldn't he hardly move? What was wrong with his voice? What was going on?_

_**_   
  


Duke glanced back at his partner a short time later, concern flashing in his eyes as he realized Nathan wasn't right behind him any longer. Looking down along the trail of his own prints in the snow, his eyes fell on Nathan who was standing under one of the tall pine trees. A breeze kicked up, sending a small pile of snow down on Nathan's shoulders. Groaning in annoyance, Nathan shook his head to clear away the snow he couldn't feel but knew was clinging to his hair. Brushing the white powder from the slick blue windbreaker he wore, Nathan glanced down and suddenly froze in place. 

He shook his head and closed his eyes for a moment then opened them again, thinking his eyes were playing tricks on him still. He looked again as he heard his heartbeat echoing wild and erratic in his ears and stared in shock at his hands. They were stained red with blood, the sight unmistakable to the eyes of a cop, and the scent of fresh blood assaulting his nose once again. Lifting his eyes slowly, they locked onto Duke's as he stared back, concern evident on his face. Nathan tried to take a step forward but started to stagger, his body refusing to respond or function.

"Duke.... I don't... feel too good..." Nathan mumbled, his voice sounding strangely weak and distant to his own ears. The edges of his vision started to darken and it was getting harder and harder to keep his eyes open as he felt himself start to pitch forward, unable to keep himself upright any longer. 


	3. Numbing Cold and Emptiness

Nathan saw the blurry form of Duke running towards him as he lost his footing, the ground racing up towards him. The last thing he saw was a small pool of his own blood standing in stark contrast to the white snow, smaller crimson dots scattered all around. Everything then went blurry. He felt himself fall into Duke's arms, feeling his strong embrace and hearing his lover's voice calling to him, yet it seemed like he was miles away. Blinking slowly, struggling just to open his eyes again, Nathan looked up at Duke, the pounding in his ears near-deafening to him.

Catching Nathan as he fell, Duke slowly knelt down, holding his lover close as he pulled one of his hands away, the thick crimson mess making his chest tighten with fear. "I got you Nathan..." he said trying to force the fear out of his voice. "I got you. You're alright."

"Liar..." Nathan said weakly, his eyes closed as he struggled to get them to open again.

Duke didn't say anything as he quickly undid the jacket and pushed up the bottom of Nathan's shirt, both of which were soaked with blood. Duke felt his body run cold, fear gripping his heart as his eyes fell on the wound. Duke had seen his fair share of gunshot wounds, hell he had suffered from several himself over the years. So it was obvious almost instantly jsut how bad the wound was. Nathan must have been hit by a stray bullet at some point during the shootout at the cabin and neither of them had realized it.

"That bad?" Nathan asked weakly, looking up at Duke with eyes that were glassy and distant.

"Naww. You'll be fine, Nathan..." Duke said as he laid his hand over the wound on his partner's stomach, trying to slow the bleeding. "Just stay with me, you hear?"

Duke cursed himself for being so careless. He should have made sure Nathan really was ok. He should have done a better job of protecting him. He should have stopped Nathan from even coming here. He should have done more...

"You're... a terrible liar..." Nathan said with a choked laugh, pulling Duke out of his thoughts. "Looks like the Troubles... finally got the upper hand this time. Always figured it would be a Trouble. But..."

"Hey now, no talking like that. You hear me?" Duke said firmly, trying to convince himself as much as Nathan that what he was saying was true. " We're going to get through this. Just like everything else we have had to face. We're going to get you patched up. You're going to be just fine."

Nathan reached a hand up and gripped Duke's hand weakly. "We both know... it's too late at this point..."

"Don't.... Don't say that..." Duke said firmly, feeling his voice catch in his throat as he looked down at his lover, Nathan's face pale and dripping with sweat. "I'm not going to lose you, Nathan... Not now... not like this..."

"It's ok Duke..."

"No, it's not. I'm not going to lose you, Nathan! I'm going to save you!" Duke said, feeling his heart pounding in his chest.

"You're not always going to be able to save me..." Nathan whispered as he laid a hand on Duke's chest and looked up at him, as his eyes closing for a moment before he was able to open them again. "I'm ok Duke....I'm ok. I can't feel anything. There's no pain... no anything... all I can feel is you... your touch. It's ok Duke."

"No, it's not ok, you idiot. This is not ok. This is anything but ok!" Duke said as he felt hot tears run down his face as he clung to Nathan. "You may not feel anything... but I fucking can. I can..." he said, the icy coldness of the snow and the fear that was washing over him chilling him to his very soul.

Nathan lay quiet and unmoving in Duke's arms for a moment, shallow breaths sounding overly strained and ragged, each one a struggle that was harder than the previous one. Duke shifted himself back so he was leaning against a nearby tree and pulled Nathan into his lap. If this really was how he was going to lose Nathan, Duke knew he wasn't going to lose him into a flurry of panic and hysteria. Duke held him close, arms wrapped around his lover protectively, as Nathan trembled against him slightly. Duke brushed back the sweat-soaked hair from his face, as he bent over and kissed the top of Nathan's head lightly. 

"Talk to me Duke... please?" Nathan asked as he rested his head against his lover's chest. His body was shutting down, he knew that much, even he could sense it. He could barely keep his eyes open. He couldn't move his legs anymore and barely had the strength to lift his hand to Duke's chest. His own breaths sounded strained and hoarse in his ears and the racing thunder of every heartbeat had now been replaced by a weaker more erratic rhythm. 

"What you want to talk about?" Duke asked simply, the sound of his own voice surprising him slightly.

"Tell me what... you will remember about us..." Nathan said, smiling weakly.

Duke was silent a moment as his mind raced. There was no shortage of memories and moments they had shared. But to pick the best, in a situation like this? Duke's mind raced for a moment as he started to speak, pulling Nathan close against him, more for his own comfort than for Nathan's at that moment.

"Well, I will always remember that summer after graduation, when we went on that camp over trip to the island in the harbor."

"That trip?" Nathan said with a weak laugh as he looked up at Duke. "You were absolutely miserable the entire time."

"I was... except for one wonderful night" Duke said, seeing the slight smile on his lover's face as he forced a soft smile in return. "That was the campout where you and I snuck out that one night and went skinny dipping for the first time. Remember?"

"Ah.. so it was... that was a very good summer..." Nathan said, his voice sounding surprisingly relaxed, almost happy at that moment. "What I'll never forget... is you coming over when we were kids and hanging out all day... dad teaching us to shoot his rifle... mom making us pancakes..."

"Hehe, bet you later regretted your old man teaching us... probably didn't help that growing obsession I had even back then, " Duke chuckled softly. "You always hated all the guns I had stashed around the Cape Rouge."

"The paranoia's part of your charm..." Nathan said softly before falling silent, his body seeming to grow a little heavier against Duke's.

"I won't ever forget that night you finally said yes to a date. I never thought in a million years you would," Duke said as he watched the shallow rise and fall of his lover's chest, feeling his eyes burn with the tears that were threatening to fall once again. "Remember how ridiculous I looked in that stupid suit and tie?"

Nathan tried to reply but the only sound that came out was an unintelligible groan. 

"And remember that trip we took our favorite little getaway island?" Duke said as he laid a hand on Nathan's chest, the weak beat of his lover's heart barely detectable. "You nearly burned down the campsite because you didn't realize the fire had jumped to the sleeping bag we were sharing that first night."

Nathan lay still and quiet in Duke's arms, the shallow rise and fall of his chest barely discernible as his entire body trembled, as if with a great chill. Duke felt the lump in his throat grow, barely able to choke out anything as he held Nathan close, gently rocking both of them as he did. 

"And of course..." he said, his voice cracking as he felt the last bit of his strength start to slip away and his eyes burn with the tears he could no longer keep at bay. "The most wonderful memory of all... the day I was able to take your name. That was the happiest day of my life. You looked absolutely perfect... just like always..." 

Duke's vision went blurry for a moment and he felt hot tears start to fall as he held Nathan close and leaned over and kissed the top of his head. "You were stunning in that tux. Especially the way you kept blushing with everyone complimenting you after the ceremony. I have never been happier than I was that day....the day my life truly started. Was a day... I never thought fate would have in store for me... let alone with someone as perfect as you. I owe you so much, Nathan... I will always love you."

Duke looked down at the man who meant more than anything else in the world to him. His throat tightened, his breath catching in his chest as he felt the weak thumping against his hand slow and then stop. Time seemed to stand still, everything else fading away as Duke stared down into his lover's face. Nathan looked as if he was sleeping peacefully at last, and in that moment, the final thread that Duke was clinging to snapped. 

The sound that left Duke as he cried out in pain, in sadness, in anger, in hopelessness sounded foreign to his own ears. The animalistic cry echoed through the forest as Duke clung to the still, lifeless form in his arms, the tears falling unabated. As tiny flakes of white snow began to fall, Duke cried as he had never cried before in his entire life. 

**

How long Duke sat there he wasn't sure, but it was long enough that a thin layer of powder-like snow had covered his shoulders and peppered his hair. For what felt like an eternity he sat there next to the body of his partner, his mind racing, struggling to cope with the reality that was staring him in the face. He stared at his hands, covered with Nathan's blood, as the guilt nearly suffocated him. Duke looked back at the unmoving form beside him and finally spoke as he clenched his hands and took a ragged breath.

"This is not how it ends... I won't accept that. Do you hear me, Nathan? This is not how this is going to end. I am not going to lose you."

Duke moved so he was kneeling and in one surprisingly fluid movement, he gathered up the limp body and stood. He stopped for a moment, eyes locking onto the face of the man he loved more than life itself for a moment before he turned and started towards the Rover, which he could already see in the distance through the trees.   


"I got you, Nathan...you're going to be alright," he said, his voice hoarse and strained from the cold and the raging emotions that threatened to spill over once again. "I'm not going to lose you, Nathan... Not now... not like this..." Duke said as he trudged on through the accumulating snow, carrying him in a cradling bridal-style embrace.

As he did, his mind drifted back to a happier memory. The day that he had taken his lover's name as his own. That perfectly wonderful day. The smile and laugh on his lover's face as Duke swept him into his arms, much as he was at that moment, and kissed him. In that one wonderful moment, everything was right in the world. He had everything he had ever wanted and everything he would ever need. For the first time in his life, Duke had honestly been able to say he was content and happy with his life. Duke felt hot tears burn his eyes as the memory faded and the terrible reality he was trapped in came rushing back in on him like a tidal wave that threatened to drown him yet again.

By the time he reached his truck, Duke was gasping for breath, thick clouds forming around his head with every breath. Moments later, he was leaning against the side door of his truck, Nathan's body lying in the back. Pulling his phone out of his pocket, Duke slid to the ground as his legs gave out from under him as he punched a few buttons and held the phone in his trembling hands.

"Hey Dwight, yeah it's me," he said when the ringing finally stopped. "I need you to come out to Minner's Pass. Yeah about a mile out of town." Duke sighed as he glared at the phone. "I'll explain when you get here Dwight... Yes, it is important. Just get your ass over here? Please." Duke hated the desperation and need that he heard in his voice but hopefully that was enough to let his friend know he really did need him, now more than ever before.

Dropping the phone into his lap, Duke leaned back against the cold metal and closed his eyes waiting for Dwight. Thankfully the snow had stopped, but a bitterly cold wind still blew through the woods. Fighting against the overwhelming desire to close his eyes, Duke tried to stay awake as he waited for Dwight to show up. But at some point, it was a battle he lost as the exhaustion and cold finally won out and his eyes slid shut.

**

How long he had drifted off for he didn't know, but Duke woke up to the sound of tires crunching in the snow as Dwight pulled up beside the Rover. Lifting his head and forcing his eyes to open, Duke watched as Dwight jumped out of his truck and hurried over.

"Duke! What's going on? You alright?" Dwight asked as he knelt down beside his friend, concern evident on his face.

"I need your help, Dwight..." Duke said simply as he looked at Dwight with exhausted eyes, as he tried to get up to his feet.

"Ok... now I know something's wrong. Duke Wouronos never asks for help that easily. What's going on Duke?'

"Nathan's dead, Dwight," Duke said simply, nodding toward the back of the truck as he staggered to his feet.

"What... what are you talking about?" 

Duke didn't get a chance to reply as Dwight rushed over and stood at the back of the Rover, looking as if he had seen a ghost.

"What the fuck happened, Duke?" he asked as he looked from Duke to the motionless form lying in the back of the truck then back to Duke.

Duke sighed as he leaned against the Rover and closed his eyes. "We got caught in the crossfire of that little showdown you guys with The Guard and the PD had with the goons in the cabin. I know, I know. No one knew we were there. But we were. Nathan got hit by a stray bullet... but..."

"But he couldn't feel it," Dwight said simply.

"Didn't know a damned thing was wrong... until it was too fucking late," Duke said, his voice an odd mix of anger and guilt. "Nathan's gone Dwight," he said, his voice cracking slightly as he fought back the waves of emotion crashing over him. "He died in my arms... I couldn't protect him... and now he's gone."

"Duke... I'm so sorry..." Dwight said simply as he pulled his friend into a tight embrace. Everyone knew of the relationship the two had and the close bond they shared. Hell, it seemed like half the town had crammed into the Grey Gull for the celebration ceremony all those years ago. Dwight pulled back slightly and looked at Duke, the sadness and sympathy evident in his eyes. "Let's get you both back to town... We can find Gloria and..."

"No," Duke said, cutting him off as he pulled away and shook his head. "No... not Gloria. I need you to take me to see someone else. I need you to take me to see A.J."

Dwight stared at Duke for a moment, the disbelief evident on his face. "A.J.? A.J. Stenson? From the Stenson Clan? Are you serious Duke?"

"I've never been more serious about anything before in my life, Dwight."

"Duke, look... I understand. You've just been through some real crap... I get it. But you know the Stenson Family wants nothing to do with anyone from Haven. They want nothing to do with the Troubles anymore."

"Well tough. They are Troubled, everyone knows it. The Stenson bloodline carries the resurrection Trouble. And they are going to bring Nathan back."

"How do you plan to even find them? A.J. and his family haven't even been inside the Haven city limits in nearly 15 years. No one knows if anyone in the family even still carries the Trouble or not."

"You're going to take me to them," Duke said simply as he faced Dwight, and pointed a finger at him, poking him in the chest as he spoke.

"And what makes you think I know where they are other than somewhere in the woods surrounding Haven?" Dwight said, swatting Duke's hand away. "Why should I know where their reserve is?"

"Because," Duke said looking his friend squarely in the eyes as he spoke. "The stories say the Stenson Family came to Haven as some of the original members of The Guard all those years ago. You are now head of The Guard, so you tell me, Dwight. Where are they now?"

"Ok ok...fine.. You got me," he said rubbing the bridge of his nose. "I know where their property is. But Duke... you are not going to like their reaction. They don't take very kindly to outsiders nosing into their business, and they especially don't like uninvited visitors. The Stensons would rather just live their lives without the Troubles. Like I said, I'm not even sure any of them still carry the Trouble now. Hell, I haven't even talked to A.J. in several years."

"Well, I am going to find one of them who does, and make them bring Nathan back!"

"Duke..."

"Stop it, Dwight. I am doing this... you know we only have till sunset to make this work. So, you can either help me and take me to see A.J. or you can get out of my way because I am going to drive myself there and find them, even if it kills me."

Dwight stood for a moment and looked at his friend. The pain was etched clearly on Duke's face and the exhaustion and desperation were evident in his eyes. Dwight saw how bad he was trembling and shaking, and knew it was from more than just the cold. He had never seen Duke so desperate, broken, vulnerable. With a sad smile, he put a hand on Duke's shoulder.

"Alright. I'll go with you to find A.J. Give me the keys, I'll drive," he said simply and for a brief moment, Dwight felt a twinge of pain at the look of relief that spread over Duke's face. Silently he prayed that somehow this would work out, because he was genuinely worried if Duke would survive anything less than Nathan coming back.

Duke gave his friend an appreciative smile as he handed him the keys to the Rover. A few minutes later they were on their way, Duke having settled himself down in the back of the truck. As they drove on, Dwight glanced in the rearview mirror and what he saw made his cold and walled-off heart nearly break. Duke sat in the back of the truck, cradling Nathan's body, talking to him as if Nathan was just resting and would wake up any minute. Dwight had to turn his gaze away as he saw Duke brush the hair back from his lover's face and place a soft kiss on his forehead.

"A.J..." Dwight whispered as he drove "you better come through for us. I can't lose the both of them...not like this..."

Neither man spoke as they drove on. The only sign of the passing time was the changing scenery and the slow sinking of the sun in the late afternoon sky.

**

The scenery passed by silently for what seemed like an eternity as Dwight drove them down the remote dirt roads that snaked through the woods. Silently, Duke was grateful Dwight had agreed to this, because Lord knew he would have ended up lost or stuck in a ditch with how icy the roads were in some places out there. When they finally stopped, Duke scrambled out of the back of the truck and jumped down just in time to hear the familiar sound of a shotgun being cocked.

Duke looked up to see who he assumed was A.J. standing on the porch of the closest building. In his hand was a long-barreled shotgun which was aimed squarely at Duke. Freezing where he was, Duke lifted his hands up slightly and rolled his eyes.

"A.J. I presume?" he said with a slightly annoyed sigh. "I don't have time for these pleasantries. I need to talk to you..."

"I have nothing to say to any trespassers" the man spat back, still keeping the shotgun leveled at Duke. "You have ten seconds to tell me why you are on my property before I fill you full of lead, stranger!"

"Whoa, whoa!" Dwight called out from the other side of the truck as he climbed out and made his way around to stand by Duke ashe lowered his hands. "Let's just calm down, ok A.J.? I really don't feel like dealing with all that again right now," he said as he looked at his friend, a pleading look in his eyes.

"Well, well, well..." A.J. said as he lowered the gun slightly and looked from Duke to Dwight. "Look who finally decided to come back. It's been what, four years Dwight?"

"Something like that. Been far too long. Sorry to barge in like this unannounced but it's a bit of an emergency."

"Understatement much?" Duke hissed, earning a glare from Dwight.

"Wait a minute...I know you," A.J. said suddenly as his eyes fixed on Duke once again as they narrowed. "You're a Crocker ain't ya?"

"Was. Gave up the Crocker name," Duke said simply.

"Once a Crocker always a Crocker!" A.J. scoffed as he held the shotgun in the crook of his arm. "And the Crockers are not welcomed here. So I'm afraid you wasted your time coming out all this way."

"That's not going to fly," Duke said taking a step towards A.J. as Dwight stopped him with a hand to his chest and a cautioning look.

"Excuse me?" A.J. snapped, narrowing his eyes at Duke.

"Hey. A.J." Dwight said trying to diffuse the situation somewhat. "Is your old man around? Maybe we can talk to him and..."

"Dad died over a year ago, Dwight. I'm head of the Stenson Clan now. Course, you would have known that if you had bothered to come around at all."

Dwight hesitated a moment as he felt that burning gaze fall directly on him. "A.J. I'm so sorry to hear about your dad, he was a good man. And I am sorry I haven't been around as much... it's just with everything going on in Haven..."

"Ah yes, your precious little town and its Troubles. I see your priorities haven't changed much since we last talked, Dwight. Still unwilling to leave that place behind huh?"

"Haven is my home," Dwight said simply. "As flawed as it is, it is where those I consider my friends and family are."

"You can have it!" A.J. scoffed again and waved his hand dismissively. "The best decision I ever made was to leave that place and those Troubles behind."

"You may have left, but the Troubles didn't leave your family did they?" Duke asked, narrowing his eyes at the man who returned the glare with just as much frustration and annoyance.

"What does it matter to you? You are alive and well it seems, unless...." A.J.'s voice trailed off as he saw the look that flashed behind Duke's eyes for the briefest of moments. "Ah I see... it's someone else you are seeking the resurrection Trouble for, isn't it? Who's the unfortunate stiff?"

Dwight sighed as he felt the waves of anger coming off Duke in that moment as he put a hand on his friend's shoulder, stopping Duke before he lunged at A.J. This was not going the way he had hoped, and Dwight knew they were running out of time.


	4. Decisions and Sacrifices

Duke felt Dwight's hand on his chest, holding him back as his vision went red for a moment and he glared at the man standing before them. He wanted to wipe that smirk off his face, to make him understand, to make him feel just a fraction of the pain he was feeling. With almost an audible growl Duke slapped Dwight's hand away and stood there, eyes locked with A.J. for a moment before he finally spoke. 

"It's Nathan Wuornos," Duke said coldly, eyes still locked with A.J.

"Wuornos? The Chief's son?"

"So, can we talk at least?" Duke said glancing at the darkening sky, the urgency and nervousness getting the better of him at last. The waiting was killing him. And he would be damned if he was going to let this jerk be the reason he lost Nathan for good.

"Fine. If you insist," A.J. said as he motioned towards the door. "Not sure what good it's going to do though."

"Thank you A.J. appreciate it," Dwight said as he started to walk towards the cabin but stopped when Duke did not follow.

"I'm not leaving him out here alone," Duke said as he walked to the back of the truck and disappeared. A moment later he reappeared, carrying Nathan's body in his arms once more. As he went, Duke dropped his head down so his lover's hair tickled his nose as he whispered softly "I'm not going anywhere, Nathan."

Dwight nodded and walked on ahead, stopping when he stood in front of A.J. and grabbed him by the arm, forcing him to look at him as he spoke.

"Be gentle with him, A.J. That's his husband's body he's carrying right now."

Dwight looked at him with stern eyes as he walked in, Duke following close behind, Nathan's lifeless body held protectively in his arms. A.J. just stared after them for a moment, Dwight's words echoing in his ears before he followed them in, closing the door behind him.

As they walked in, Dwight led Duke to the main room of the cabin, knowing the layout well as he used to spend a great deal of time there with A.J. and the others years ago. A.J. walked in and froze in the doorway for a moment at the scene before him. Nathan's body lay on the simple couch that was set up in the room. Duke knelt on the floor as he leaned over the body of his husband looking as if he was whispering something to him as he did. Dwight stood beside the couch at Nathan's head as if he was guarding them both silently keeping watch while Duke's attention was solely directed at Nathan. A.J. took in the scene for a moment before clearing his throat and entering.

"So, it's obvious why you are here and why you are seeking my help," he said as he walked across the room and sat down in the chair. "But before I give you my decision, I have a question for Duke..." A.J said, locking eyes with Duke as he stood and sat on the edge of the couch. "What do you know about the resurrection Trouble?"

"I know what all the stories and legends say," Duke said as he shifted on the edge of the couch beside Nathan's body. He looked across the room at A.J. as he continued. "Your family's Trouble allows them to bring someone back to life. You can only revive one person per day and it has to occur before sunset on the day the person died."

"That is all true," A.J. said with a chuckle as he leaned back in the chair and smiled somewhat sadly. "But there is more to the Trouble. Something most people never think about, especially with a Trouble as massive as ours. The cost. No one ever stops to think about what it costs to use a Trouble like this. The effect it has on us. What it does to us when we use it."

The room fell silent for a moment until Dwight cleared his throat and shifted slightly in his position beside the couch where he still stood.

"And what is the cost?" he asked simply, glancing from A.J. to Duke and then back.

"For our family, using our Trouble is something we avoid as much as possible. Such a wonderful gift it seems on the surface but the cost for many of us is too great. To activate our Trouble and bring someone back requires us to sacrifice part of our own lives. We lose years off of our own life line every time we bring someone back. No one knows how much we lose, just as we do not know how much time we may have left ourselves at any given time."

A.J. fell silent for a moment as he studied Duke and Dwight closely for a moment before he continued. "So you can imagine the hesitation we have about using the Trouble. Bringing Nathan back may have a price of three years or it could be ten years. And not knowing whether we have 10, 30, or 50 years left ourselves makes it a huge gamble on our part. And the resurrection Trouble is not a full redo. It simply restarts the person's life where it left off. Whenever they die again, the Trouble will not work on them. So Nathan may come back tonight, but he will still eventually die. It may be in 2 years, it could be in 20, could be any length of time. That is the gamble the other party has to take when using the Trouble."

"So... then I guess we have a decision to make..." Duke said simply as he looked at A.J. then turned his gaze towards Nathan.

"That we do," A.J. said simply as he watched Duke closely. "Starting with you trying to convince me why I should do this for you, a Crocker of all people.... Someone of the family line that has done nothing but cheat, swindle, and harass the Stenson Family for generations. Why should I make this sacrifice for you? For Nathan? What makes you think he is worth saving? Why should I do this for you, Duke?"

Duke was silent for a moment as he stared down at his hands. Out of the corner of his eyes, he caught Dwight shifting slighting as he acted like he was going to take a step towards A.J.

"That's not fair A.J...." Dwight said, a cold tone edging his voice.

Duke held up his hand and shook his head, causing Dwight to stop where he was as he looked at his friend. With a sigh, Duke turned to look A.J. square in the eyes.

"It's alright Dwight, he has a right to ask. Though, if he has ever loved anyone in his life, he should know what it feels like to lose someone who is your everything. That emptiness. That ache. That need. That pain. It is unlike anything else anyone can understand if they haven't experienced it themselves."

Duke took a shaky breath as he looked back towards the motionless body lying beside him on the couch as he felt Dwight's hand on his shoulder.

"I don't have any long eloquent speech to give you A.J. I have no rousing words or proclamations. All I have is this simple request for your help. I know I ask a lot of you. And you have every right to refuse," Duke's voice trembled as he turned and looked at A.J once again. "You need to know though, that if you don't, there will be two corpses in this place at sunset... Because I cannot live without him. I don't want to live without him."

A.J. sat in silence for a moment, completely taken off guard by the simple plea and the raw emotion he heard and saw from Duke. He watched as Duke, the man who once had the reputation as Haven's resident bad boy, sat before him, tears silently running down his face. A.J. remained silent as he watched Duke break their gaze and turn back to Nathan. He watched in awe for a moment before finally speaking.

"There may be a way to do this so it benefits us both," he said simply. "But, it would require you, Duke, to make the sacrifice to save Nathan. Is he worth that to you? Are you willing to give up years of your own life, on the gamble that Nathan may have another twenty years or only three years left? Are you willing to gamble that you are not giving up five years of your own life to bring him back when you may only have five left yourself? Is Nathan Wournos worth that sacrifice to you?"

"In a heartbeat!" Duke said without a moment's hesitation, still gazing into the face of his husband. "I would gladly have my last breath be his next. I am a dead man as it is without him. I would gladly give my life to save Nathan's.... There's not even a doubt in my mind about that. I would die to save him!" Duke said firmly, meeting A.J's gaze once again.

A.J. nodded slightly as he stood from the chair and made his way across the room. He stopped and looked at Dwight before giving him a quick nod and then turned his attention to Duke who was watching him, the desperate hope evident in his eyes.

"Alright Duke," he said simply, a softer look now in his eyes. "Let's do this."

**

A short time later, as the sun began its final descent towards the horizon, everything was ready. Duke knelt next to the couch, one hand gripping Nathan's hand, the other resting over the wound. A.J. knelt beside him, one hand laid over Duke's, the other resting on one of Nathan's legs. Dwight looked on, hands resting on the back of the couch where he stood.

Everything fell silent. Oppressively silent. Neither of them hardly dared breathe as the seconds ticked by. Risking a glance out the window, Duke watched as the last of the rays of light faded behind the horizon and then looked down at Nathan's still motionless body. With a comforting squeeze of Dwight's hand on his shoulder, he closed his eyes, willing Nathan to wake up. Feeling the icy cold fingers of fear start to lay hold, Duke gave his hand a squeeze as he lifted it gently and kissed the back of his lover's hand.

"Don't you dare leave me like this Nathan... not now... not after all of this. I should be the one laying there, not you... This can't be how I lose you. There's nothing left for me here without you, Nathan... I need you... I need you to come back to me. Please."

Hot tears started to fall, dripping onto the hand Duke clung to. He felt Dwight's grip on his shoulder tighten slightly as A.J. moved his hand off of his. Duke refused to let go of Nathan as he knelt there, feeling the tears fall but not caring who saw. As he knelt there, Duke's head shot up as he looked down at the hand he clung to. 

Had he just imagined it... No, he saw it again as Nathan's fingers twitched ever so slightly. Duke looked up at Dwight, the look on his face letting him know he had seen it too. 

"A.J." Dwight started but was interrupted as Nathan's eyes suddenly opened.

With a strangled gasp as the air rushed into starving lungs, Nathan coughed violently, gasping for breath. With Dwight's help to get him into a sitting position, Duke shifted onto the couch beside Nathan and held him upright as he struggled for a moment to fill his lungs again. 

"Easy there, Nathan..." Dwight said as he put a hand on his friend's back supportively. 

"I got you, Nathan, you're fine now," Duke said as he wrapped his arms around his husband and held him close. Nathan slowly started to relax, the coughing subsiding as his lungs got used to having air in them once again. He stared at Duke for a moment and then smiled softly as he felt his touch once again. "I got you Nathan.. I'm not going anywhere" Duke said softly as he buried his face in his lover's hair and cried.

A.J. smiled softly as he stood and slowly walked away from the couch and stood on the other side of the room. For a long while, he just watched the scene unfold before him as the two lovers were reunited. Catching Dwight's gaze as he looked over at him, A.J. motioned for him to join him. 

"You did a good thing A.J." Dwight said with a smile as walked over. He glanced over his shoulder for a moment before turning back to his old friend. "Thank you. We owe you..."

"You owe me nothing," A.J. said simply as he looked at Dwight. "There is something I need you to do for me though. Not now, give them some time... but I need you to let Duke know something in the next day or two."

"Of course A.J... what is it?"

"Let Duke know that he doesn't have to worry about losing any time with Nathan. Bringing Nathan back had no effect on him. Only a Troubled person can make the sacrifice needed to use the Trouble. It's all been taken care of." 

Dwight gave his friend a knowing grin and nodded.

"Sure thing. What do I tell Duke when he undoubtedly asks what made you change your mind about helping us?"

"Tell him that I remember what it was like. To lose someone special and dear to you and to feel powerless to do anything about it. Tell Duke this story and he will understand. My Trouble activated over 12 years ago, when I lost the love of my life to a tragic accident. You remember that day well Dwight, I know. My life was shattered. I had nothing left to live for. The stress of dealing with that activated my Trouble, but far too late for it to do me any good. I saw it as a curse, a reminder that every time I brought someone back I was unable to save the one person who meant the most to me in my life. I cursed my Trouble and wanted nothing to do with it, which is why we left Haven and came out here all those years ago. It was easier to hide and ignore the pain than being reminded of it every day as I walked the streets of that town. Out here I could try to forget and escape. That was until...."

"Until we showed up," Dwight said simply as he put a hand on his friend's shoulder, seeing the pain in his eyes.

"It was like I was watching everything that happened with Alex happening all over again. Duke truly does love Nathan, that much is obvious. I saw my own grief and heartache in his eyes. No amount of bad blood and old feuds could get in the way of that. I knew I had to help if I could. Duke was willing to die to save Nathan, just as I would have been willing to die to save Alex. There really was no debating at that point. They deserve to be happy, to get the happy ending that I was never able to have."

"You saved both of them, A.J." Dwight said appreciatively as he looked over at the couple sitting on the couch. "Alex would be proud."

"I know," A.J. said simply as he felt his eyes start to tear up as he watched Duke and Nathan.

Duke sat on the couch, his arms still wrapped around Nathan. Glazing across the room Duke's eyes met A.J.'s and he gave a slight nod, the look in his eyes saying more than any words could in that moment. A.J. nodded and gave Duke a soft smile in response. Dwight gave his friend's shoulder a pat and then started back towards the couch.

"We'll be waiting for you A.J. Take your time."

A.J. watched for a moment, trying to calm the tremors that were still shaking his body as well as his mind. There was always a certain mix of adrenaline and fear that came with using the Trouble and the gamble he took each time. But as he watched Duke and Nathan together, he knew he had made the right choice. There was no regret in his heart and no doubt in his mind. He was at peace with how he had chosen. As he wiped away a stray tear, he made his way over to the others.

"How are you feeling, Nathan?" he asked as he sat down on the arm of the couch.

"Well as could be expected, I guess..." Nathan said groggily, his eyes showing the exhaustion that his body was unable to register at that moment.

"You've been mostly dead for some time," A.J. said with a soft chuckle. "You are fine now though, just give it some time."

"A.J. I .. I don't know how to thank you..." Duke started as he looked up, finally releasing his hold on Nathan as he shifted on the couch.

"No need... I am glad I was able to," A.J. said simply. "But right now... rest. All three of you. It's late, and I'm not going to let you try and make it back to town at night on these icy roads. Stay here tonight and you can head home in the morning when it's safe."

"Haven't I rested enough today?" Nathan asked with a yawn, obviously struggling to keep his eyes open.

"Come on sleeping beauty," Duke said with a grin. "Let's get you settled in."

"Take the bed in the guest room," A.J. said. "Nothing fancy but better than the couch. And Dwight..."

"I'll be fine on the couch A.J."

A.J. nodded slightly and then turned away, feeling the churning waves of emotion wash over him as his mind was flooded with memories of Alex, memories of his father, memeories of the friendship there used to be with Dwight, and memories of his past in Haven. It was getting to be too much in that moment and he didn't want the others to see.

**

A short time later Duke and Nathan were sound asleep in bed. Nathan curled up against Duke, having folded himself into the crook of his husband's arms as he curled up against his chest. Duke's arms were wrapped protectively around his husband, finding comfort in the soft tickle of Nathan's breath against his skin and the steady rhythm beating against his hand that rested on his chest as he slept. The blanket was pulled over them haphazardly as they lay wrapped in each other's embrace.

With a soft smile, Dwight closed the door to the bedroom quietly and made his way back to the main room. A.J. sat at the small wooden table, a bottle, and two glasses waiting on the table as well. He looked up at Dwight as he sat in the empty chair and silently poured them both a glass.

"How are they?" he asked simply as he downed the amber liquid and poured himself another glass.

"Passed out already," Dwight said simply as he took a drink and studied A.J. closely for a moment. "I think the bigger question right now is, how are you holding up?"

A,J. laughed softly as he absentmindedly ran his finger along the rim of the glass and looked at Dwight with sad, knowing eyes.

"Good ole Dwight Hendrickson. No BS, always right to the point."

"Well? Still waiting on an answer A.J...." Dwight said as the heavy silence hung in the room for a moment.

"Ok, ok.... You want an answer, Dwight? You really care enough to want to know?"

"Yes A.J. I do," Dwight said simply as he looked across the table at his friend. "For fuck's sake we grew up together man. We used to be best friends. Of course, I care about you and want to know whats going on."

"Used to, being the key phrase there," A.J. muttered as he took a drink and looked up at Dwight, a hint of sadness in his eyes.

"A.J" Dwight said simply. "I'm sorry I wasn't here when you needed me. I am sorry about your dad. He was a good man."

He nodded silently as he dropped his gaze, unable to look at Dwight as he downed the liquid in his glass and reached for the bottle again.

"Dude, what happened to us?" Dwight finally asked, unable to stand tiptoeing around it and dodging the issue any longer.

"Troubles are what happened," A.J. muttered as he filled his glass again, still not meeting Dwight's gaze. "Always the Troubles. That's what they do right? Ruin every good thing anyone has?" he asked as he lifted his gaze to meet Dwight's for a moment before dropping it back to the glass in his hands.

"They don't call them Troubles for nothing," Dwight said simply, as he emptied his glass and reached for the bottle. "But it wasn't the Troubles in general was it?" he asked as he topped off his glass again with a sigh. "It was my Trouble that ruined what we had."

A.J. didn't say anything to deny the statement and just stared down into the dark liquid in his glass. Dwight fell silent too as his mind drifted back to that day so many years ago.

  
  


_ The day had dawned with perfect weather. The sky was clear and bright and there was just a slight chill in the air that morning as everyone gathered. They had been planning this hunt for a while and the day had finally arrived. The energy and excitement were almost tangible as the friends gathered on the outskirts of the woods that made up the popular hunting range. _

_ It was a small group, which was how they all preferred the hunting trips- small and intimate rather than large noisy affairs. Dwight was first to arrive at the meeting place and was soon joined by the Stenson crew. A.J and his father along with his older brother, Marius made up the rest of the hunting party. Dwight didn't often go hunting on account of his trust issues but more so because of his Trouble. Most of the folks around Haven didn't go bow hunting anymore, but it was the Stenson's preferred way to hunt, so it just made sense that they ended up on hunts together whenever Dwight was in the mood. And on this particular hunt, they were hoping to track down one or two of the wild boars that were roaming the woods that time of year. _

_ Everything had gone well for most of the day. They had tracked a few of the boar for several hours but hadn't managed to find any of them yet, but the thrill of the chase and just being in the outdoors was a nice break from the hustle and bustle of life in a town like Haven. Even in such a small town, it did the mind and body good to get away from things now and then. As they made their way deeper and deeper into the woods, Marius, who always served as the de facto leader of their hunting excursions, had decided it was time to start heading back. _

_ It was then, as they were making their way back along another path that the silence was broken by a sound that sent the hairs on the back of Dwight's neck on end. The all too familiar sound of gunshots echoed through the woods, the sickening sound of a semi-auto emptying its clip. In that instant, Dwight felt his blood run cold as he turned towards his companions yelling for them to get down. But it was too late. Instantaneously it seemed Dwight felt the familiar pain shoot through his body as his mind flashed back to the day his Trouble first activated just a few years prior. The next thing he was aware of was feeling himself slam into the forest floor as the pain washed over him. He heard the shouts and cries of A.J and Marius as everything started to go black. _

  
  


" It is funny how things play out..." A.J. mused, his voice somewhat cold as he gazed across the table at the man who was suddenly jarred out of his memories. 

"Not something I ever wanted.... Waking up in a hospital again... for a second time because of the Troubles," Dwight said with a sigh. "To this day I still have no memory of anything that happened after hearing the shots rang out.... I remember going down and then the next thing I know I'm waking up in a hospital being told I've been there for a week already and barely survived."

"At least you did survive," A.J. said simply. 

"A.J. I never wanted anything like this to happen, you know that right?" Dwight said searching his friend's face. "I always figured it would be that me who died from the Trouble, not... not.."

"Not your friends," A.J. said simply as he downed his glass and sighed, looking at Dwight with eyes that were not judging but still dark with sadness. "All three of us should have died that day, to be honest... They said it was a miracle you survived. And dad and I survived only because..."

"Because of Marius," Dwight said simply. "I know. Duke and Nathan were there when I woke up and told me what they knew about what had happened. They said it had been a 10 cap clip that got emptied. Five of the fuckers ended up in me, the other five hitting you and your dad."

"Yeah, they said it was pretty much an instant kill hit for me... both bullets hit me in the heart" A.J. said absentmindedly rubbing his chest where the scars were still visible under his shirt. "Dad got the other three. It wasn't for a long time afterward, but dad eventually told me that Marius had brought me back first and that as I lay there unconscious, dad begged Marius not to bring him back too if he died. Dad knew it would kill him, he didn't want Marius to have to make that choice... but he did anyway."

"Your brother loved you both a great deal," Dwight said, looking at his friend with sad compassionate eyes. "He did what he felt he had to do."

"I don't think dad was ever able to forgive Marius for it either... I don't think he was ever able to accept that his son died while he survived."

"Don't think he was ever able to forgive me either...Not that I blame him..." Dwight said with a sigh as he leaned back in his chair and downed his glass. "Not sure I've ever been able to forgive myself either."

"Is that why you eventually stopped coming around?" A.J. asked, watching the other man closely as he grabbed the bottle and refilled both of their glasses.

'Partly," Dwight said as he picked up the glass and held it, staring into the dark contents absentmindedly. "That... and the fact your father made it clear he never wanted me around after that. Made it clear he didn't want to see me ever again when he came home drunk that one day and kicked me out, telling me he never wanted to see my face on that street again. You guys packed up and moved out here just a few weeks later."

"It never was easy for him, Dwight. He was a changed man after that day."

"I know, and I get it, I do. But he didn't exactly make it easy for me to get out here to keep in touch. If it was official business from The Guard he was ok with it, but every time I tried to stop by on my own, he would run me off the property before I could even get to the front porch. But I really did try to keep in touch, A.J. I need you to know that."

"Yeah, I know...thanks..." A.J. said as he locked eyes with the man sitting across the table. "I wasn't exactly doing anything to make it any easier for us either... sorry."

Dwight nodded in silence, giving A.J. a slight smile, getting one in return as well.

**

The next morning dawned with the passed out form of A.J. collapsed on the couch. A more well-rested Duke and a very much still alive Nathan were getting loaded up into the Land Rover as Dwight stopped at the driver's side window for a moment as he looked at his friends.

"You sure you're ok to drive us back to town, Duke?"

"I'm fine Dwight. I'm in better shape to drive than your hungover ass is. Get in already and let's get going."

"A.J. not seeing us off?" Nathan asked as Dwight climbed into the back of the truck.

"Naww, A.J. isn't the saying goodbye type," Dwight said with a slight grin. "Plus he went after the Jack pretty hard last night. Don't think he'd be in much of a chatty mood right now anyway if he was awake. Don't worry Nathan, he'll prefer it this way. And something tells me, we haven't seen the last of A.J. Stenson."

With that they made their way out of the woods, Dwight sleeping off the hangover in the back of the truck as Duke drove them home, Nathan's hand held tightly in his own. 


End file.
